What types of couples therapy are available?
Couples work is not two people taking turns to complain while a referee keeps score. There are established methods for this, and which one we use depends on what has actually gone wrong between you.
The approaches we use most:
- Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
- The Gottman Method
- Cognitive Behavioral Couples Therapy
- Discernment Counselling
- Attachment-Based Therapy
- Trauma-Informed Couples Work
What is couples therapy?
Understanding the therapy
Both of you in the room, once a week, with someone whose job is the relationship rather than either side of it. Common reasons couples come:
Most couples do not need to agree more. They need to stop having the same conversation in the same shape. Once that shifts, a surprising amount of the rest follows on its own.
Benefits of couples therapy
Couples therapy has strong evidence behind it, particularly Emotionally Focused Therapy, where most couples report meaningful improvement and the majority of it is still there at follow up.
Arguments that end somewhere
The same fight stops looping. Conflict starts resolving instead of simply recurring on a schedule.
Trust you can rebuild
After an affair, a lie, or a long slow drift. It is slow work and it is possible, which is more than most people believe when they walk in.
Being understood again
You stop defending and start hearing. Usually in that order, and usually before you expect it.
Closeness that comes back
Emotional and physical. Often the last thing to return, and the clearest sign the work took.
Some signs to watch out for
Early signs that should not be ignored
- The same argument, every few weeks, for years
- Contempt, eye rolling, or sarcasm as a default setting
- Stonewalling, or walking out mid conversation
- Keeping score
- Confiding in everyone except each other
- Intimacy that quietly stopped and was never discussed
- Living as roommates and calling it fine
- One of you already has a foot out the door
Hear from our clients
Still building this section out with real clients.
Frequently
Asked Questions
Questions we often asked
Q1: Do we both have to want this?
It helps, but it is not a requirement. Plenty of couples arrive with one person ninety percent sure and the other there under mild protest. That is workable. If one of you is still deciding whether to stay at all, ask about discernment counselling on the call.
Q2: Will the therapist take sides?
No. The relationship is the client. That does not mean nothing ever gets challenged, it means it gets challenged fairly, and in both directions.
Q3: What if it ends the relationship?
Sometimes it does, and sometimes that is the right outcome. Good couples therapy does not force a verdict. It gets you to a decision you can both live with, rather than a stalemate neither of you can.
Q4: Is what I say in an individual session kept private?
We explain our policy on individual sessions and confidentiality clearly at the start, before anyone shares something they would rather not have repeated.
Q5: How long does couples therapy take?
Often shorter than people expect. Many couples do meaningful work in twelve to twenty sessions. Some come back later for a tune up, which is not a failure of the first round.
